Nibbles

Sure I do! :)

On 9/30/99, 5:14 AM, “angela.benson” <angela.benson@bankofamerica.com> wrote:

    To: elmojo <elmojo@hotmail.com>

    cc:

    Subject: Re: Sure I do! 🙂

    What that thingy at the bottom?

    Well we’ve talked, but he’s heavily influenced by his mother. I found the

    lyrics to his music, and together with the Awake magizine have found out a

    major problem. The music has blocked the holy spirit from us and our house. I

    got rid of it (sent it up to him) yesterday. Last night I was able to say a

    prayer. It was coherent, focused, and not interrupted by thoughts. Before last

    night, I wasn’t able to and really had stopped for a long time trying.

    I slept on my tummy stretched out on the bed (gotta take advantage of it while

    I can!). My back was unprotected to the “world”. But I didn’t feel vulnerable,

    or worried. I slept with a smile on my face, and feel asleep at a reasonable

    hour.

    The music is our problem, just the catalyst. It doesn’t matter how hard we

    would try to fix anything without the holy spirit (and add to it the negative

    influence and views of the music) we couldn’t get anywhere.

    So now. THis morning he called, and told me he was going this weekend to get

    his drum set. I told him he couldn’t do that until he had seperation papers

    written up. (His car and drum set are the only things holding him to the

    marriage materially.) So he basically can’t do that (he doesn’t have any

    money). He also wanted the old furniture to take with him. (It’s all mine,

    gifts from co-workers, etc.) I told him he’d have to pay me what we were going

    to sell it for. ($150) OR

    The deal. (a.k.a. The Challenge)

    He comes down, stays in the house, and goes to work, the meetings and service.

    Two weeks. If in two weeks he’s ready to leave, I get the papers, give him the

    furniture, and help him load the truck. And he can say he tried.

    I put faith in Jehovah that that music is like the Awake said, that

    influencial, and by removing that variable from our relationship, coupled with

    his taking the St. John’s Wort & Magnesium, and an open mind, we have a

    fighting chance. All it takes is Jehovah’s holy spirit flowing again.

    Anyways, there goes… write me back, and tell me what you think. I’m offended

    by the Teddy Bear thing. I needed it, but I don’t anymore!

    AB

    elmojo <elmojo@hotmail.com> on 09/29/99 09:23:01 AM

    Please respond to elmojo <elmojo@hotmail.com>

    To: Angela M. Benson/USA/BAC@NATIONSBANK

    cc:

    Subject: Sure I do! 🙂

    SORRY!! PLEEEEZ FORGIVE ME!!!

    I wasn’t able to check my email since sunday night.  Julie says I can’t give

    you the bear, she has claimed it for her own!  You know, the old ‘what’s

    mine is yours and yours is mine’ thing.  I can’t blame her though, it is

    awefully cute!

    So, what’s the news?  Fill me in… COMEON!!

    Gotta split, keep strong!

    Luv ya!

    Mojo

    @}-,-‘—-

    ______________________________________________________

    Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

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Nibbles

Guess what!

On 9/30/99, 5:13 AM,”angela.benson” <angela.benson@bankofamerica.com> wrote:

    To: benga@msn.com

    Subject: Guess what!

    I told you last night how I collected Brads music (on Monday night) together

    and shipped it out to him yesterday. What I didn’t know was how big of a

    difference it would make.

    Gregg, I prayed and prayed, the four nights I stayed there by myself. I

    couldn’t seem to keep my concentration or focus to be able to finish a prayer

    at a time though. I kept feeling uncomfortable in a “I need to get over it”

    way. I thought I was just afraid of being alone there at night. I went to sleep

    when I was thoroughly exhausted.

    Last night I didn’t have any feeling of paranoia. I stretched out comfortably,

    and didn’t worry about which direction my back was facing, or feeling

    “vulnerable”. I said my prayer, it was complete, focused and made sense. I fell

    asleep with a smile on my face. The house settling noises were still there, but

    they didn’t make me jump, or my heart pound out of my chest.

    I don’t care what anyone else thinks. There is a difference, and there’s only

    one thing missing from that one night to the next. It even “screwed up” my

    prayers. It wasn’t exhaustion either. If I was exhausted, I couldn’t have

    prayed better than all the other nights. It only took one prayer, and it made

    sense, with a beginning, body, and end, without interruptions.

    I wish that there was some way to convey the peace that I felt, how comfortable

    I was able to feel to Brad. It’s a big deal that I slept on my tummy. I left my

    back open to the world. Even when Brad was there I would sleep with my back to

    him, and until he came to bed not be able to sleep.

    I used to pray ALL THE TIME. Once when I was working with my pioneer partner I

    had asked her, how often do you pray? (Thinking of the scripture, you know the

    one, when you lay down, get up….) She said all day. That’s when I started

    having conversations with Jehovah.

    Anyways, I just talked to Brad. He called to tell me that he’s coming this

    weekend to pick up his drum set. To me that’s an indication of separation. I

    told him he would need to bring papers with him, because I couldn’t allow him

    to take that (for that reason) with out it being “legal”. He also asked to have

    the old furniture (it’s mostly all mine). I told him that with the situation

    that I am left in I need the money from it, whether its him or anyone else,

    because as he said this isn’t about love anymore.

    Then I proposed a deal.

    The hard way: just as I told him- separation papers for him to pick up his drum

    set, pay for the furniture if he wants it, and it’s over.

    The easy way: since he’s coming anyways, stay for two weeks. Go to work, the

    meetings, service, and family bible study. No music (he’ll leave with his mom),

    pornography, and his has to take his St. John’s Wort & Magnesium (and before he

    gets here so it kicks in). Have an open mind. He doesn’t have to talk to me,

    sleep in our room, or even touch me. (Hopefully he will give it an open mind so

    he will stick around the house for us to interact.) If in two weeks he ready to

    leave again I will give him the furniture, I’ll get the papers, and I’ll even

    help him load the U-Haul truck. And he case say “I gave it a fair shot”.

    What do you think? If he needs to talk to someone to discuss whether he should

    or not, would you (instead of Pam)? And if he decides to take the easy way,

    will you talk to him to get him in the right frame of mind when he gets here?

    I’m not planning an attack, just allowing Jehovah’s holy spirit to do it’s

    work, with the right actions in place.

    Please write back. And thank you very much for talking to me last night.

    Angela

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IMPORTANT!!!

On 9/30/99, 5:13 AM, “angela.benson” <angela.benson@bankofamerica.com> wrote:</angela.benson@bankofamerica.com>

To: benga@msn.com
cc:
Subject: IMPORTANT!!!

Last night (Wednesday) Brad called  at 1:30 am. I had left a message for him to
call me, to talk as I’ve been told I need to continue to try to do. When I told
him I just wanted to talk, he said he had thought it was important – Our
marriage isn’t.

Oh, well, after a squabble and his phone disconnecting several times he finally
got a reliable phone, and gave me the respect to talk to me since he called so
late, and woke me up.

Talking together I got through to him. This is how I sum it up, in MY words.
(I’m not going to try to quote, but this is all based directly from what he
said.) And it’s not necessarily in order of statements, but I’ll try to
rearrange them as I go along…

That he was told that the music isn’t a problem.

That he was told that it’s normal {i.e. okay} for him to look at pornography.

That he doesn’t care what this means to his relationship to Jehovah.

The point is, he tried fighting all the way through the first part of the
conversation. (The phone disconnected, and I said a prayer, for in case he
would call back.) The he was reasonable. He started talking about our deal.

That’s when he told me, crying,

He is “scared”, if he comes back, he can’t “show my {his} face up here again”.
That his parents (said/think?) that he is weak because he can’t make a decision
and leave me, and can’t keep it {decision}

He said he would think about the deal and talk to his parents about it.

I told him that I have been told, and the Family book says, we shouldn’t have
our parents involved. I begged him (in a not so nagging sounding way) to NOT
discuss it with them. I told him that they would take him back in, even if he
came down here, and decided to leave again. I asked him to talk to you instead,
explaining that as an elder, the holy spirit flows through you when you counsel
someone.

Basically, from his actions, tears, and open heart – I now believe that he
want’s to try one more time. I hate that at the end of two weeks, he may miss
is family, or something and use that in his decision making. But I can’t
control that.

He asked for a couple of things “If I am going to/do come down there”. That
tell my parents to stay out of our lives. I told him that’s why he needed to do
the same in deciding to come or not, and that I would even move if that made
him feel better.  For me to apologize to his parents for “how I’ve treated
them”. I said that I would, and that hopefully they wouldn’t try to counsel, or
chastise me then, but despite anything that’s happened, my behavior is not
substantiated as a Christian. That I list out what I have to work on. I went
over things with him then that I have already thought about –
Being more sensitive to his feelings (in how the are highly sensitized with low
self esteem or ADD)
That the book orders that I had continued to marriage due, despite all that
happened, but I hadn’t (Never read material until he had left.)
That despite what he does that I have to continue to stay strong and work at my
problems
There were more that we talked about, but basically it seems like we have
identified enough common ground now. He is thinking about it, and wants to. But
what I’m scared of are those last two statements he told me, about showing his
face, and being weak. That’s allot to hold against me. With him believing that
(or being told that) he has to choose then between me, or his family.

So I ask, please talk to him. I think he needs reassurance that Jehovah’s holy
spirit, if we let it, can fix anything. That the music should be something he
should consider as maybe being a catalyst for how we’ve felt and fought. That
we are instructed to apply bible principles to any problem that we come across,
and it hasn’t been done yet in this case. That if he does have a health problem
like ADD, and what he’s been taking (St. John’s Wort & Magnesium B-6) has
worked, or not hurt, then he continue to try it, until it’s replaced by
something else. (He started taking it, and continued doing so for his mother,
it has helped tremendously.)

These are all principles and points that have counsel in the Family book. If
you feel comfortable please discuss them with him. He needs someone who he
doesn’t believe he’s disappointed.

Thank you,
Angela

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