On 9/30/99, 5:13 AM,”angela.benson” <email@example.com> wrote:
Subject: Guess what!
I told you last night how I collected Brads music (on Monday night) together
and shipped it out to him yesterday. What I didn’t know was how big of a
difference it would make.
Gregg, I prayed and prayed, the four nights I stayed there by myself. I
couldn’t seem to keep my concentration or focus to be able to finish a prayer
at a time though. I kept feeling uncomfortable in a “I need to get over it”
way. I thought I was just afraid of being alone there at night. I went to sleep
when I was thoroughly exhausted.
Last night I didn’t have any feeling of paranoia. I stretched out comfortably,
and didn’t worry about which direction my back was facing, or feeling
“vulnerable”. I said my prayer, it was complete, focused and made sense. I fell
asleep with a smile on my face. The house settling noises were still there, but
they didn’t make me jump, or my heart pound out of my chest.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks. There is a difference, and there’s only
one thing missing from that one night to the next. It even “screwed up” my
prayers. It wasn’t exhaustion either. If I was exhausted, I couldn’t have
prayed better than all the other nights. It only took one prayer, and it made
sense, with a beginning, body, and end, without interruptions.
I wish that there was some way to convey the peace that I felt, how comfortable
I was able to feel to Brad. It’s a big deal that I slept on my tummy. I left my
back open to the world. Even when Brad was there I would sleep with my back to
him, and until he came to bed not be able to sleep.
I used to pray ALL THE TIME. Once when I was working with my pioneer partner I
had asked her, how often do you pray? (Thinking of the scripture, you know the
one, when you lay down, get up….) She said all day. That’s when I started
having conversations with Jehovah.
Anyways, I just talked to Brad. He called to tell me that he’s coming this
weekend to pick up his drum set. To me that’s an indication of separation. I
told him he would need to bring papers with him, because I couldn’t allow him
to take that (for that reason) with out it being “legal”. He also asked to have
the old furniture (it’s mostly all mine). I told him that with the situation
that I am left in I need the money from it, whether its him or anyone else,
because as he said this isn’t about love anymore.
Then I proposed a deal.
The hard way: just as I told him- separation papers for him to pick up his drum
set, pay for the furniture if he wants it, and it’s over.
The easy way: since he’s coming anyways, stay for two weeks. Go to work, the
meetings, service, and family bible study. No music (he’ll leave with his mom),
pornography, and his has to take his St. John’s Wort & Magnesium (and before he
gets here so it kicks in). Have an open mind. He doesn’t have to talk to me,
sleep in our room, or even touch me. (Hopefully he will give it an open mind so
he will stick around the house for us to interact.) If in two weeks he ready to
leave again I will give him the furniture, I’ll get the papers, and I’ll even
help him load the U-Haul truck. And he case say “I gave it a fair shot”.
What do you think? If he needs to talk to someone to discuss whether he should
or not, would you (instead of Pam)? And if he decides to take the easy way,
will you talk to him to get him in the right frame of mind when he gets here?
I’m not planning an attack, just allowing Jehovah’s holy spirit to do it’s
work, with the right actions in place.
Please write back. And thank you very much for talking to me last night.