Flames and more.

I’ve have some interesting experiences lately. I’ve cleared my head (literally) with a beeswax cone. You take the cone and place it in your ear allowing it to burn slowly. The funnel of air it creates sucks out junk from your head. When you clean the cone out all this powder comes out. That’s what’s from your ear. YUCK!

I’m for the moment a blonde. Gentlemen prefer blonde. Blondes have more fun. Actually it’s kind of yellow.

On the way to the hall this morning I passed a yard where several guys were playing football. It was such a classic scene – I wanted to stop and watch. Reminded me of Thanksgiving around here, and football game in the front yard. I guess I won’t be seeing that this year.
I got to the hall and was a little late. It was a quarter after ten. No one was there. I look at my calender… maybe it was a Special Assembly Day? Nope. Mentally confirmed with myself that it was indeed Sunday and 10 AM. Check. Well, don’t know what’s going on. Drove back home. Sit down at my computer – and it asks me if I’ll check to see that it’s auto change for Daylight Savings Time is correct. Huh? It’s not daylight savings time… Oooooh. Why do I question the one thing that really knows what time it is! I guess I should change the rest of my clocks then now, huh?

Well I as usual come across some slightly profound thought which increases my understanding of myself. This week it’s that I need someone to share my space, my life with me. You can share with someone else. Their space, their life, and end up completely abandoning your own. That’s fine if you can handle it. But I need my life. I like it, I built it and it has definate good points. My house is comfy. A place to come home to. You step out of the shower and your feet hit a cushy bathmat which soaks up the excess water. I can run around naked until I dry off and just feel slightly silly. I can make a mess in the kitchen as I’m cooking. And then clean it up. (I always try not to make a mess anyways.) If I want clean underwear or jeans, I pick them out of the drawer, or wash them. I know how to operate the TV, VCR and Stereo, and can plop on the couch to do so at anytime. All my stuff is in my bathroom, readily accessible – Hence, taking a shower or bath isn’t a production. My bed is nice and large. My pillow devine. My teddy bears close by to keep an eye on me. A TV to fall alseep to. The ability to watch a movie in bed. Sleeping in. A lazy Sunday. EVERY Sunday. No emails to be read, no message boards to scan, no lists of things to be done. Just good books, movies, walks, rollerblading, or even doing the laundry. Nothing much to accomplish, except feeling good, and then you’re somehow ready to face the next week.
So is it so bad, my life? No, I don’t think so. I’m just wishing for someone who can share my life with me just as much as I share theirs.

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Music

STP

Last night I saw Stone Temple Pilots, with Disturbed and Godsmack.

STP rocked. Scott was a little out there… not any where near grunge, a new developed look and persona. They played Interstate Love Song, and Plush (my two favorite songs). But neither acoustic. : ( It’s amazing how easy it is to forget just how many songs we know by them. Every song I knew.

It was great seeing them at this point in my life – knowing how far I’ve come as a person since I first liked them. A coming full circle kind of feeling.

Time to take her home – her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride – it leaves today – no conversation
Take to take her home – her dizzy is conscience laden
Take to wait too long, to wait too long
These conversations kill

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Music

Ryan

“Dave is a good song writer – here’s a couple lyrics I think apply.”

And in your eyes I see what’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way I do now
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

It’s a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices
We can’t do a thing about it
Too many choices

Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Has she really lost her mind?
I said, I couldn’t tell you I’ve lost mine
I’m okay, I’m okay

Surprise, surprise you pay for what you get
You pay for what you get
Oh well oh well so here we stand
But we stand for nothing

How long I’m tied up My mind in knots –
My stomach reels In concern for what I might do or
What I’ve done It’s got me living in fear
But sometimes this thick confusion
Grows until I cannot bear it at all I let you down,
Oh, forgive me I have no lid upon my head
But if I did You could look inside and see what’s on my mind
How could I be such a fool like me oh, forgive me oh, forgive me

To the one who understands.

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Color Quiz

These are my results from www.colorquiz.com. It’s something you should check out. The results are amazingly accurate.

Your Existing Situation
Active, outgoing, and restless. Feels frustrated by the slowness with which
events develop along the desired lines. This leads to irritability,
changeability, and lack of persistence when pursuing a given objective.

Your Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she
feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its
aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest.
She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and
insists on being free and unhampered.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties
and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve
satisfaction through sexual activity.
Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction
through sexual activity, but tries to avoid conflict.

Your Desired Objective
Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can
blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful.

Your Actual Problem
Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion, contention or
argument, preferring to be left in peace.

Your Actual Problem #2
Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling her to free
herself of the worry that she may be prevented from achieving all the things
she wants.

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Music

Soul mates.

I feel partly settled. Like I finally know what I want, and have the strength and courage to achieve it. It’s funny. I thought today I would lose. I didn’t.

Soul mates. n.
1. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
2. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity (a natural attraction or feeling of kinship)

I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t know how to feel about it. There so much I used to question. To examine, and analyze. Now I don’t. I just accept. I am guided by heart, rather than mind. It’s a much more peaceful way of being.

This is so new for me. Being content, I think. Being okay. What more can I say?
So maybe I won’t.

I have my path, I know what I need to do, and how to do it, and the way to get to where I’m going.
I used to think that going my way meant that I was walking away from something else. I guess I don’t see that anymore. Even if the natural inclination is to believe that we are losing. It’s not possible. Somehow. someway there is a connection. Something deeper than our comprehension. Farther than our definitions define. And that’s what hold us together.

It’s also amazing that I’m so content in the moment. So much of life is lived looking to the future or wistfully into the past.“The future is no place, to place your better days”. And so with that in mind, I live. Today.


There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
You know that I
You know I’ll never say goodbye

How many days can you waste it boy
It’s a shame they say
There’s so much you know he’ll never enjoy
All the love we come to destroy

There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
Though they might try


angela

someone’s always coming around here trailing some new kill
says I seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill
and what’s a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
so glad to meet you
angela
picking up the ticket shows there’s money to be made
go on and lose the gamble that’s the history of the trade
you add up all the cards left to play to zero
and sign up with evil
angela
don’t start me trying now
‘cos I’m all over it
angela
I could make you satisfied in everything you do
all your ‘secret wishes’ could right now be coming true
and be forever with my poison arms around you
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
so glad to meet you
angela

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Simple thoughts & explainations

Still tumbling through thoughts.

Isn’t it like me,
To want to say,
Things I can’t explain in simple ways?

Why should I be sane?
Why can’t I be crazy?

Sometimes I’m up,
Sometimes I’m down,
I choke on words, and make no sound.
Sometimes.

Why is it so hard,
To know myself?
Underneath this skin you’ll find, someone else.

Don’t be so suprised,
When you look inside me,
(inside me)

Sometimes It’s black,
Sometimes It’s white,
You hide behind electric light,
Sometimes.

Sometimes I swear,
Sometimes I pray,
Suddenly the guilty dissobey,
Sometimes.

Sometimes I’m weak,
Sometimes I’m strong,
Living with the fear I don’t belong,
Sometimes.

Sometimes I stand,
Sometimes I fall,
I throw myself against the wall,
Sometimes.

Sometimes I sink,
Sometimes I swim,
Tell me why my world is caving in,
Sometimes.

Sometimes it’s sweet,
Sometimes it’s raw,
Trying to get so high, like I did before,
Sometimes.

Sometimes in love,
Sometimes in hate,
Sometimes it’s all a big mistake,
Sometimes.

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Music

Irreconcilable differences.

ir·rec·on·cil·a·ble – adj.

Impossible to reconcile: irreconcilable differences.

n.
1. A person, especially a member of a group, who will not compromise, adjust, or submit.
2. One of two or more conflicting ideas or beliefs that cannot be brought into harmony.

I am torn.

I thought I saw a man brought to life,
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified,
He showed me what it was to cry,
Well, you couldn’t be that man I adored.
You don’t seem to know, seem to care, what your heart is for,
But I don’t know him anymore,
There’s nothing where he used to lie,
My conversation has run dry,
That’s what’s goin’ on. Nothing’s fine I’m torn…

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