Music

RobinHenkel.com

RobinHenkel.com


See more info on Robin Henkel at RobinHenkel.com or on Facebook.

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betrothed May 25, 2014, wedding July 27, 2014
Art, Donation, Music

SMRTrWorld

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Ancestry, Are You There God? It's Me, Gidget, Music

Closed Head Injury

Letter to a Friend

I graduated to a larger keyboard in procrastination.

I went back to do the dishes and thought to myself, ‘this isn’t the life I want’. Did I tell you? I had even tried to convince myself that I just had to get things all in order so that everything in life would be ‘ready’. See how that worked out? Needless to say these hands have yet to hit dishwater. So much for Southern.

But is there really anything wrong with that?

If someone would give me just one cup, plate, bowl, spoon, fork, mug and what else do I need?

I’ll tell you what, just a really cool place to put them!

I need to figure out how to be happy, or this is going to suddenly feel like a very long life, I get the feeling, from here on out…

Today is the day that my daddy died, 30 years ago today, or some time within 12 hours or so either way, because I can never quite remember if the accident happened the night before, or if it was already considered the next day, and when it was that he died, or rather, how long it took him to die. And since I move so damn often, the paper which answers this question every year when I inevitably go searching for it to determine once again, for another year, just it was ‘when’ that ‘what’ happened, is buried in boxes which are worn and disheveled from the packing, repacking, and moving again, again, and again.

Any way, I’m listening to Yo-Yo Ma do Johan Sebastian Bach while considering doing my dishes, or just throwing out all my clothes, …or just moving to a life I’d prefer to be living?

It wouldn’t take a psychiatrist to be able to tell you that if I could have anyone with me here tonight to have a glass of single girl microwaved a few seconds to knock the chill off red refrigerated wine it would be my dad. No, not the one who called yesterday to make sure that I was okay, I think because he knows even if only from the signs from my mother’s odder than usual behavior triggered by it nearing that day again… No, I mean my father, the one who gave me life. He was an artist and a lover, a singer and a movie maker, although I have to tell you his song in the band is pretty much dreadful.

Here’s Dog Sweat, by Matthew Raymond Morris Michael Niblick. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, you’ll want to cover your ears. But to me, it’s music. That’s my daddy’s voice. When I heard this ‘song’ this past year, it was the first I’d heard my daddy’s voice, since he died thirty years ago. Still, Dad! What were you thinking?!

My Daddy, the artist Matthew Raymond Morris Michael Niblick (movie footage 1979-1983) from Angela Baxley on Vimeo.

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Culture, Music

Mira Parfitt. I just love a woman on guitar rocking Rainbows.

Follow Mira via the San Diego Reader

(Taken with Instagram at Bird Rock Coffee Roasters)

One of the day dreams I’ve had is to help young artists find their audience. Mira Parfitt (@miraparfitt) was one of those people who inspired that in me.

Update January 21, 2013: Mira released New Plaid Shirt on Mira Parfitt, her own label.

The photo below was taken at my favorite San Diego Coffee shop, Bird Rock Coffee Roasters, and is nearly two years earlier.

https://rd.io/e/Qj5kWGM

Hey, I took that photo! 💕“I just love a woman on guitar rocking Rainbows.”
— @ang RE @miragoto Rockin’ Rainbows and her favorite plaid flannel shirt playing her guitar, singing for Bird Rock Coffee Roasters
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Music

My Favorite Dave Songs

Everybody asks me how she’s doin’
Has she really lost her mind?
I said, I couldn’t tell you
I’ve lost mine

Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Is she really all she says…
Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Since she went away
I said I couldn’t tell you
I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK (How are you?)

pantala naga pampa

Come and relax now, put your troubles down
No need to bear the weight of your worries here
Let them all fall away

#41

Come and see
I swear by now I’m playing time against my troubles
I’m coming slow but speeding
Do you wish a dance and while I’m in the front
The play on time is won
But the difficulty is coming here

I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to stay
But I’m coming to much more
Me
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
What if they came down crushing
Remember when I used to play for all of the loneliness that nobody
notices now
I’m begging slow I’m coming here
Only waiting I wanted to stay
I wanted to play,
I wanted to love you

I’m only this far
And only tomorrow leads my way

I’m coming waltzing back and moving into your head
Please, I wouldn’t pass this by
I wouldn’t take any more than
What sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why won’t you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won’t you run
in the rain and play
Let the tears splash all over you

Crush

Crazy, how it feels tonight
Crazy, how you make it all alright, love
Crush me with the things you do
And I’ll do for you, anything, too, oh
Sitting, smoking, feeling high,
And in this moment, oh, it feels so right

Lovely lady, I am at your feet
Oh God, I want you so badly
And I wonder this, could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there, sleeping?

Let’s go — drive ’til morning comes,
Watch the sun rise and fill our souls up
Drink some wine til we get drunk, yeah

It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just knowing that the world is round,
And here I’m dancing on the ground
Am I right-side-up or upside-down,
And is this real or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, let me drink you, please
Won’t spill a drop, no, I promise you
Laying under this spell you cast on me,
Each moment, the more I love you
Crush me, come on, oh yeah

It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just knowing that the world is round,
And here I’m dancing on the ground
Am I right-side-up or upside-down,
Is this real or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, I will treat you sweetly, oh
I adore you, I mean, you crush me
And it’s times like these when my faith, I feel it
I know, how I love you
Come on, come on, baby

It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just as long as you’re around,
And here I’ll be dancing on the ground
Am I right-side-up or upside-down?
To each other we’ll be facing, my love, my love
We’ll beat back the pain we’ve found
You know, I mean to tell you all the things I’ve been thinking deep inside
My friend,
Each moment, the more I love you

Crush me, come on, baby
So much you have given, love,
That I would give you back again and again
Oh love, meaning I’ll hold you, but please,
Please, just let me always

Rapunzel

Open wide
Oh, so good I’ll eat you
Take me for a ride
In your sweet delicious
Perfect little mouth
Thereupon I linger
You will have no doubt
That I’ll do my best for you, I do

Love
Let’s stop to get it going
Lost myself just thinking
About the two of us
From each other drinking
Begin with the lips
Fingertips and kissing
Turn me inside out
I do my best for you

Up and down we go
From the top you push me
This is such a thrill
Lost in love and dancing
Shake your tambourine
You blow my head open
Of one thing I’m sure
I do my best for you I do

For you I would crawl
Through the darkest dungeon
Climb the castle wall
If you are my Rapunzel
You let your hair down
Right in through your window
Good they locked the door
‘Cause I do my best for you

I think the world of you
All of my heart I do
Blood through my veins for you
You alone have all of me
I give my world to you
To you I will be true

Too good to be real
The smell of something cooking
My soul you’re to steal
Food of love we’re filling
What you’ve given me
For it there is no measure
Of one thing I am know
Is I’ll give my best for you

I think the world of you
With all of my heart I do
This blood through my veins for you
You alone have all of me
From you my strength is so full
To carry your burdens, too
And I give my world to you

Hip lock up so tight
You drive me crazy
Crazy is all right
With you looking at me
You make me feel high
Every single thing you do to me is like I’m drunk
I’ll do my best for you, I do

Say Goodbye

So here we are tonight,
You and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see
What’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild
Turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping
up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way
I do now
Now let’s make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
just for an evening
When we make
our passion pictures
You and me twist up
Secret creatures
And we’ll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
But tonight let’s be lovers,
We kiss and sweat
We’ll turn this better thing
To the best
Of all we can offer, Just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I’m turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight

Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tomorrow go back to your man
I’m back to my world
And we’re back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let’s do this thing
All we are is wasting hours until the sun comes up it’s all ours
On our way here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
Tonight let’s be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let’s go all the way then
Love I’ll see you,
Just for this evening
Let’s strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away

And tomorrow
Back to being friends
Lovers…love…lovers
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

Lover Lay Down

Spring sweet rhythm dance in my head
Slip into my lover’s hands
Kiss me oh won’t you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth

Don’t be us too shy
Knowing it’s no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you

Look please lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Together share this smile
Lover lay down

Walk with me, walk with you
Hold my hand your hands
So much we have dreamed
And you were so much younger
Hard to explain that we are stronger

A million reasons life to deny
Let’s toss them away
See you and me we
Lay down look see
She and he
By my lover’s side
Together share this smile
Each other’s tears to cry
Together share this smile
Lover lay down

Oh please
Look please lover lay down
Oh please lover lay down
And you weep
Lover lay down
Cause it’s over
Lover lay down
Say lover, say lover, say lover, say lover, say lover
Could I love you
Could you love me
Could I love you
Could you love me
Could I love you
Could you love me
Could I love you
Could you love me
Darling it’s
All the same
All the same
All the same
All the same
‘Til we dance away
‘Til we dance away
‘Til we dance away
‘Til we dance away
Chasing me all around
Leading me all around
Leading me all around in circles
Leading me all around in circles
Say…

Two Step

Say, my love, I came to you with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just what I’m seeking
Love, you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We’re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change

Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time
You quench my heart and you quench my mind

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but
Sweet for certain
We’re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
The things we cannot
Celebrate, you and me, climbing two by two, to be sure
these days continue, things we cannot change

Oh, my love I came to you
with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me
Just what I’m seeking

Celebrate we will
Because life is short
But sweet for certain
We’re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change…
Things we cannot change

The Best of What’s Around

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your times with me
Would you say you’re feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See, you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
And so can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but who you’re with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you’re around

If you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you’re missing all the rest
She run up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind’s eye is

Seeing things from a
Clearer side than most can dream
On a better road I feel
So you could say she’s safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
And hurts not much when you’re around

Jimi Thing

Lately I’ve been feeling low
A remedy is what I’m seeking
Take a taste of what’s below
Come away to something better
What I want is what I’ve not got
But what I need is all around me
Reaching searching never stop
And I’ll say…

If you could keep me floating just for a while
‘Til I get to the end of this tunnel, mummy
If you could keep me floating just for a while
I’ll get back to you

Take a Jimi Thing
Just to keep me swingin’
I’d like to show you what’s inside
I shouldn’t care if you don’t like it
Brother chaos rules all about
Sometimes I walk there
Yes, God knows sometimes I take a bus
I should’t care I shouldn’t care bereaved as
I’m feeling

Day is gone I’m on my back
Staring up at the ceiling
I take a drink sit back relax
Smoke my mind makes me feel
Better for a short time
What I want is what I’ve not got
What I need is all around me
Reaching searching never stop
And I’ll say

If you could keep me floating just for a while
‘Til I get to the end of this tunnel…mummy
If you could keep me floating just for a while
I’ll get back to you

Some Devil

One last kiss one only
Then I’ll let you go Hard for you
I’ve fallen
But you can’t break my fall
I’m broken don’t break me
When I hit the ground

Some devil some angel
Has got me to the bones
You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Too drunk and still drinking
It’s just the way I feel
It’s alright
Is what you told me
Cause what we had was so beautiful
Feel heavy like floating
At the bottom of the sea

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Some devil is stuck inside of me
I cannot set it free
I wish, I wish I was dead and you breathing
Just so that you could know
Some angel is stuck inside of me
But I cannot set you free

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Such a long and lonely time

Stuck inside of me

Stay or Leave

Maybe different but remember
Winters warm there you and I
Kissing whiskey by the fire
With the snow outside
And the summer comes
The river swims at midnight shiver cold
Touch the bottom you and I
With muddy toes

Stay or leave
I want you not to go but you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave I want you not to go but you did

Wake up naked drinking coffee
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing us
It was good good love
You used to laugh under the covers
Maybe not so often now
The way I used to laugh with you
Was loud and hard

Stay or leave
I want you not to go but you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave I want you not to go but you did

So what to do
With the rest of the day’s afternoon hey
Isn’t it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I should

That I coulda done

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you left me
What day is this
Besides the day you went
So what to do
With the rest of the day’s afternoon hey
Well isn’t it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me, I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you went babe
What day is this?

I’ll Back You Up

I remember thinking
I’ll go on forever only knowing
I’ll see you again
But I know
The touch of you is so hard to remember
But like that touch I know no other

And for sure we have danced
In the risk of each other
Would like to dance
Around the world with me

I’ll be falling all about my own thing
And I know you’re the heaviest weight
When you’re not here that’s hung
Around my head

And your lips burn wild
Thrown from the face of a child
And in your eyes
The seeing of the greatest few
Do what you will, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I’ll back you up

I remember thinking
Sometimes we walk
Sometimes we run away
But I know
No matter how fast we are running
Somehow we keep
Somehow we keep up with each other

I’ll be falling all about my own thing
And I know you’re the heaviest weight
When you’re not here that’s hung
Around my head

And your lips burn wild
Thrown from the face of a child
And in your eyes
The seeing of the greatest few
Do what you will, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I’ll back you up

One Sweet World

Nine planets round the sun
Only one does the sun embrace
Upon this watered one
So much we take for granted

So let us sleep outside tonight
Lay down in our mother’s arms
For here we can rest safely

If green should slip to gray
But our hearts still bloody be
And if mountains crumble away
And the river dry
Would it stop the stepping feet

Take all that we can get
When it’s done
Nobody left to bury here
Nobody left to dig the holes
And here we can rest safely

One sweet world
Around a star is spinning
One sweet world
And in her breath I’m swimming
And here we will rest in peace

The Stone

I’ve this creeping
Suspicion that things here are not as they seem
Reassure me
Why do I feel as if I’m in too deep
Now I’ve been praying
For some way to show them I’m not what they see
Yes, I have done wrong
But what I did I thought needed be done
I swear

Oh unholy day
If I leave now I might get away
Oh, but this weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go

I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same’s what you want
But if not I’ll go
I will go alone
I’m a long way
From that fool’s mistake and now forever pay
No, run
I will run and I’ll be okay

I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same’s what you want
But if not I’ll go
I will go alone
Long way
Bury the past for I don’t want to pay
Oh, how I wish this
To turn back the clock and do over again

Now I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same’s what you want
But if not I’ll go
I’ll go alone

I need so
To stay in your arms, see you smile, hold you close
And now it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and a bone chilling cold

I was just wondering if you’d come along
Tell me you will

Pig

Isn’t it strange
How we move our lives for another day
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should wash us all away
Just thinking out loud
Don’t mean to dwell on this dying thing
But looking at blood
It’s alive right now
Deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
Drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It’s you and me
This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see the glow of something bright
There’s much more than we see here
Don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day
Don’t burn the day away

Is this not enough?
This blessed sip of life, is it not enough?
Staring down at the ground
Oh, then complain and pray for more from above,
You greedy little pig,
Stop, just watch your world trickle away
Oh, it’s your problem now
It’ll all be dead and gone in a few short years

Oh, just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope back in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Oh, so don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away

Oh, come sisters, my brothers,
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet,
I’m saying, open up and let the rain come pouring in
Wash out this tired notion
Oh, that the best is yet to come
But oh, while you’re dancing on the ground,
Don’t think of, oh, when you’re gone
Love, love, love, what more is there?
‘Cause we need the light of love in here
Don’t beat your head, dry your eyes, let the love in there,
There’s bad times but that’s okay, just look for love in there

And don’t burn the day away
Look, here are we,
On this starry night, staring into space
And I must say, I feel as small as dust lying down here

Oh, what point could there be troubling
Head down, wondering, “what will become of me?”
Why concern? We cannot see but no reason to abandon it
The time is short, time, that’s all right
Maybe I’ll go out in the middle of the night,
And take your hand, look in your eyes, my love
All good things must come to an end sometime

Oh, but don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away

Oh, come sisters, my brothers,
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet,
I’m saying open up and let the rain come flooding in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But, oh, while you’re dancing on the ground
Don’t think of when you’re gone
Love, love, love, what more is there?
‘Cause we need the light of love in here
Don’t beat your head, and dry your eyes, let the love in there
The bad times, well that’s okay,
Let’s just look for love in here, yeah

Just let the love in there,
Oh love, light up

When the World Ends

Oh when the world ends, collect your things
You’re coming with me
When the world ends, you tuckle up yourself with me
Watch it as the stars disappear to nothing
The day the world is over
We’ll be lying in bed
I’m gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
We will rise as the building’s crumble
Midst the burning we’ll be churning
Love will be our wings
Passion rises from the ashes
When the world ends, you’re gonna come with me
We’re gonna be crazy like a river bends
We’re gonna float through the criss cross of the mountains
Watch them fade to nothin
When the world ends
You know that’s what’s happenin now
I’m gonna be there with you somehow
I’m gonna tie you up like a baby in the carriage car
Your legs don’t work cause you want me so
You just lie spread to the wall
Love you got is surely all the love I would ever need
I’m gonna take you by my side and love you tall till the world ends
But don’t you worry about a thing
No cause I got you here with me
Don’t you worry about a
Just you and me, floating through the empty empty
Just you and me
Oh graces
Oh Grace
When the world ends, we’ll be burning one
When the world ends, we’ll be sweet makin’ love
Oh you know when the world ends, I’m gonna take you aside and say
Let’s watch it fade away fade away
The worlds done, ours just begun
We’re gonna dive into the emptiness
We be swimming
I’m gonna walk you through the pathless roads
I’m gonna take you to the top of the mountain that’s no longer there
I’m gonna take you to bed and love you I swear like the end is here
I’m gonna take you up to
I’m gonna take you down on you
I’m gonna hold you like an angel
I’m gonna love you
When the world ends
I’m gonna hold you
When the world is over
We’ll just be begin…

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain

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Music, Travel

By the Arno. Oscar Wilde, 1881.

The oleander on the wall
Grows crimson in the dawning light,
Though the grey shadows of the night
Lie yet on Florence like a pall.

The dew is bright upon the hill,
And bright the blossoms overhead,
But ah! the grasshoppers have fled,
The little Attic song is still.

Only the leaves are gently stirred
By the soft breathing of the gale,
And in the almond-scented vale
The lonely nightingale is heard.

The day will make thee silent soon,
O nightingale sing on for love!
While yet upon the shadowy grove
Splinter the arrows of the moon.

Before across the silent lawn
In sea-green vest the morning steals,
And to love’s frightened eyes reveals
The long white fingers of the dawn

Fast climbing up the eastern sky
To grasp and slay the shuddering night,
All careless of my heart’s delight,
Or if the nightingale should die.

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Music

Don’t burn the day away…

I have a friend who feels the need to tell me on occasion that I am not her best friend. Beyond the fact that I don’t really

feel the need to be made aware of this, it doesn’t bother me much. That’s just the way it is.

What confounded me this weekend is the realization that she expects me to continue to give the best to her. She didn’t get reserved seating, so she automatically expects that I’m going to take her. I would never expect that from a friend. It’s just mind boogling to me how someone could expect that. You tell me I’m not your best friend, but you expect me to treat you like one? I don’t think so.

Worst yet, it’s not about sharing an experience together, about attending the show with me specifically… it’s just about having a better seat.

“Turns out not where but who you’re with that really matters.” — Dave, Best of What’s Around

So I’ve honestly thought about giving her both reserved seating tickets. I’d just head out to the lawn to share the experience with my friends who didn’t have the chance to get a little closer look. Although my impulse is to give for the greater good, and perhaps prove my point a bit, I’m going to hold off. Dave has always been incrediably special concert for me, and who knows who I might want to share the experience with, and from a great vantage point.

So one more complaint… (I’m ranting here, because I don’t really feel like it’s worth bothering telling my friend how I feel) the Maktub show was awesome. I was a bit of an idiot and didn’t really think about the possible effects of three Long Island Ice Tea’s. This was my first time drinking one, and boy, are they powerful. Well, the complaint is more about the fact that I was having a merry ol’ time, but meanwhile my buddy kept bugging me about who I was talking to. At times I was chatting with Ash too much… “Making him think that there could be a second chance…” Then I was giving Joel too much attention, and not enough to Jared. There were several behavior-modifying comments along the way.

I was totally fed up. I had told her before, and again, that I’m not trying to date Jared, we’re not going out, we’re just friends. There was no reason for me to treat him any differently than I would before. If anything I ended up staying a bit further away because of her prodding. I don’t remember what the last straw was, but I do remember thinking “that’s it!” and going to the bathroom to escape for a moment. She followed me, and then my happy bubble was shattered. That’s when I turned into an idiot. Whenever I get frustrated or emotional I end up missing my family and friends. This was not the time to have that happen.

I ended up sitting against the wall for a second, and wondered what it would be like to have Jess around still. A few tears escaped, and then I walked back into the crowd with my friend close behind. I guess Ash was upset at me, although I really didn’t notice or understand at the time. (Remember, I was slightly less perceptive than normal.)

Leaving the show was a bit of a blur. Joel linked arms with me and was trying to be a comfort. I think he felt sorry for me missing my family. Later he told me that Ashley told him that I do this every time I drink. The fact that he walked with me after being informed as such was all the more surprising to me.

In the end, there is no excuse. I’m a tough girl, and I’ve got to get it together. But I wonder what I’m supposed to do when I have friends that end up making me feel like a lesser person, or some how never quite good enough.

It’s hard, in times like this, not to wish you could just go back to yesterday. The past may be gone but I look upon it so fondly. The day’s where I wasn’t so beaten, battered and bruised from life. When your friends were people you had built several Kingdom Hall’s with, and were people who shared your dreams. When relationships weren’t so hard. When it was easy to tell people that you love them. When it was easier to make everything okay. When I was me.

“I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to stay
But I’m coming to much more
Me.”

“Oh, isn’t it strange
How we move our lives for another day?
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should wash us all away?
Just thinking out loud
Don’t mean to dwell on this dying thing
But look at my blood
It’s alive right now,
And deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
And drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It’s you and me…

This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see a glow of something bright
Oh, there’s much more than we see here
Don’t burn the day away

Is this not enough?
This blessed sip of life,
Is it not enough?
Staring down at the ground
Oh, then complain and pray for more from above,
You greedy little pig
Stop, just watch your world trickle away
Oh, it’s your problem now
It’ll all be dead and gone in a few short years

Just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope back in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Oh, so don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away

And don’t burn the day away…

Look, here are we
On this starry night, staring into space
And I must say
I feel as small as dust lying down here

What point could there be troubling?
Head down wondering what will become of me?
Why concern we cannot see
But no reason to abandon it
The time is short but that’s all right
Maybe I’ll go in the middle of the night
Take your hands from your eyes, my love
All good things must come to an end some time
But don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away…

Come sister, my brother
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet
I’m saying open up
And let the rain come flooding in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while you’re dancing on the ground
Don’t think of when you’re gone

Love, love, love, what more is there?
‘Cause we need the light of love in here
Don’t beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There’re bad times
But that’s okay
Just look for love in it.”

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Nebraska

Well I had a great time on my trip to the midwest. Forgot how relaxing that lifestyle is, and how up tight we are around here.

I feel a disconnect from the world as I knew it. I don’t know what my direction in life is. It seems that sometimes love just isn’t enough.

Last night I had some pretty serious thoughts. Sobering thoughts. I was thinking of disappearing, in one way or another. Leaving this life behind.

So anyway, here I am, another day of living. And that’s okay.

Song for the day:

Fallen Angels
There’s a candle burning in the world tonight
For another child who vanished out of sight
And a heart is broken, another prayer in vain
There’s a million tears that fill a sea of pain
Sometimes I stare out my window
My thoughts all drift into space
Sometimes I wonder if there’s a better place

Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know

Where do fallen angels go
They just keep falling

Now the times in frightening
Can’t ignore the facts
There’s so many people
Just slippin’ through the cracks
So many ashes are scattered
So many rivers run dry
Sometimes your Heaven is Hell
and you don’t know why

Can you hear me
Somewhere out there there’s a shining light
And I got to be with you tonight
And with all we’re nowhere
We still pay the price
Yeah the Devil seems to get his way
In downtown paradise

Aerosmith

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Do What I Have To Do

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do …

and I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize

that I don’t know how
to let you go
I don’t know how
to let you go

a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I’m shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go

Sarah McLachlan

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Has she lost her mind?

I don’t think that she has, I think that she just needs time to figure out who she is and wants to be.

Who do you want to be?
WHAT do you want?
Maybe that’s a better question.

Has she lost her mind?

I remember thinking
I’ll go on forever only knowing
I’ll see you again

But I know
The touch of you is so hard to remember
But like that touch I know no other

And for sure we have danced
In the risk of each other
But we dance no longer.

I’ll be falling all about my own thing
And I know your the heaviest weight
When you’re not here that’s hung
Around my head

Sometimes we walk
Sometimes we run away
But I know
No matter how fast we are running
Somehow we keep up with each other

Or will we?

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Easy life.

She has lost her mind.

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you’re feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but who you’re with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you’re around
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you’re missing all the rest

Well she ran up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind’s eye is

Seeing things from a
Better side than most can dream
On a clearer road I feel
Oh you could say she’s safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
We’ll make the best of what’s around

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STP

Last night I saw Stone Temple Pilots, with Disturbed and Godsmack.

STP rocked. Scott was a little out there… not any where near grunge, a new developed look and persona. They played Interstate Love Song, and Plush (my two favorite songs). But neither acoustic. : ( It’s amazing how easy it is to forget just how many songs we know by them. Every song I knew.

It was great seeing them at this point in my life – knowing how far I’ve come as a person since I first liked them. A coming full circle kind of feeling.

Time to take her home – her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride – it leaves today – no conversation
Take to take her home – her dizzy is conscience laden
Take to wait too long, to wait too long
These conversations kill

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Ryan

“Dave is a good song writer – here’s a couple lyrics I think apply.”

And in your eyes I see what’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way I do now
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

It’s a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices
We can’t do a thing about it
Too many choices

Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Has she really lost her mind?
I said, I couldn’t tell you I’ve lost mine
I’m okay, I’m okay

Surprise, surprise you pay for what you get
You pay for what you get
Oh well oh well so here we stand
But we stand for nothing

How long I’m tied up My mind in knots –
My stomach reels In concern for what I might do or
What I’ve done It’s got me living in fear
But sometimes this thick confusion
Grows until I cannot bear it at all I let you down,
Oh, forgive me I have no lid upon my head
But if I did You could look inside and see what’s on my mind
How could I be such a fool like me oh, forgive me oh, forgive me

To the one who understands.

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Soul mates.

I feel partly settled. Like I finally know what I want, and have the strength and courage to achieve it. It’s funny. I thought today I would lose. I didn’t.

Soul mates. n.
1. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
2. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity (a natural attraction or feeling of kinship)

I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t know how to feel about it. There so much I used to question. To examine, and analyze. Now I don’t. I just accept. I am guided by heart, rather than mind. It’s a much more peaceful way of being.

This is so new for me. Being content, I think. Being okay. What more can I say?
So maybe I won’t.

I have my path, I know what I need to do, and how to do it, and the way to get to where I’m going.
I used to think that going my way meant that I was walking away from something else. I guess I don’t see that anymore. Even if the natural inclination is to believe that we are losing. It’s not possible. Somehow. someway there is a connection. Something deeper than our comprehension. Farther than our definitions define. And that’s what hold us together.

It’s also amazing that I’m so content in the moment. So much of life is lived looking to the future or wistfully into the past.“The future is no place, to place your better days”. And so with that in mind, I live. Today.


There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
You know that I
You know I’ll never say goodbye

How many days can you waste it boy
It’s a shame they say
There’s so much you know he’ll never enjoy
All the love we come to destroy

There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
Though they might try


angela

someone’s always coming around here trailing some new kill
says I seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill
and what’s a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
so glad to meet you
angela
picking up the ticket shows there’s money to be made
go on and lose the gamble that’s the history of the trade
you add up all the cards left to play to zero
and sign up with evil
angela
don’t start me trying now
‘cos I’m all over it
angela
I could make you satisfied in everything you do
all your ‘secret wishes’ could right now be coming true
and be forever with my poison arms around you
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
so glad to meet you
angela

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Irreconcilable differences.

ir·rec·on·cil·a·ble – adj.

Impossible to reconcile: irreconcilable differences.

n.
1. A person, especially a member of a group, who will not compromise, adjust, or submit.
2. One of two or more conflicting ideas or beliefs that cannot be brought into harmony.

I am torn.

I thought I saw a man brought to life,
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified,
He showed me what it was to cry,
Well, you couldn’t be that man I adored.
You don’t seem to know, seem to care, what your heart is for,
But I don’t know him anymore,
There’s nothing where he used to lie,
My conversation has run dry,
That’s what’s goin’ on. Nothing’s fine I’m torn…

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