Music, Travel

By the Arno. Oscar Wilde, 1881.

The oleander on the wall
Grows crimson in the dawning light,
Though the grey shadows of the night
Lie yet on Florence like a pall.

The dew is bright upon the hill,
And bright the blossoms overhead,
But ah! the grasshoppers have fled,
The little Attic song is still.

Only the leaves are gently stirred
By the soft breathing of the gale,
And in the almond-scented vale
The lonely nightingale is heard.

The day will make thee silent soon,
O nightingale sing on for love!
While yet upon the shadowy grove
Splinter the arrows of the moon.

Before across the silent lawn
In sea-green vest the morning steals,
And to love’s frightened eyes reveals
The long white fingers of the dawn

Fast climbing up the eastern sky
To grasp and slay the shuddering night,
All careless of my heart’s delight,
Or if the nightingale should die.

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Music

Don’t burn the day away…

I have a friend who feels the need to tell me on occasion that I am not her best friend. Beyond the fact that I don’t really

feel the need to be made aware of this, it doesn’t bother me much. That’s just the way it is.

What confounded me this weekend is the realization that she expects me to continue to give the best to her. She didn’t get reserved seating, so she automatically expects that I’m going to take her. I would never expect that from a friend. It’s just mind boogling to me how someone could expect that. You tell me I’m not your best friend, but you expect me to treat you like one? I don’t think so.

Worst yet, it’s not about sharing an experience together, about attending the show with me specifically… it’s just about having a better seat.

“Turns out not where but who you’re with that really matters.” — Dave, Best of What’s Around

So I’ve honestly thought about giving her both reserved seating tickets. I’d just head out to the lawn to share the experience with my friends who didn’t have the chance to get a little closer look. Although my impulse is to give for the greater good, and perhaps prove my point a bit, I’m going to hold off. Dave has always been incrediably special concert for me, and who knows who I might want to share the experience with, and from a great vantage point.

So one more complaint… (I’m ranting here, because I don’t really feel like it’s worth bothering telling my friend how I feel) the Maktub show was awesome. I was a bit of an idiot and didn’t really think about the possible effects of three Long Island Ice Tea’s. This was my first time drinking one, and boy, are they powerful. Well, the complaint is more about the fact that I was having a merry ol’ time, but meanwhile my buddy kept bugging me about who I was talking to. At times I was chatting with Ash too much… “Making him think that there could be a second chance…” Then I was giving Joel too much attention, and not enough to Jared. There were several behavior-modifying comments along the way.

I was totally fed up. I had told her before, and again, that I’m not trying to date Jared, we’re not going out, we’re just friends. There was no reason for me to treat him any differently than I would before. If anything I ended up staying a bit further away because of her prodding. I don’t remember what the last straw was, but I do remember thinking “that’s it!” and going to the bathroom to escape for a moment. She followed me, and then my happy bubble was shattered. That’s when I turned into an idiot. Whenever I get frustrated or emotional I end up missing my family and friends. This was not the time to have that happen.

I ended up sitting against the wall for a second, and wondered what it would be like to have Jess around still. A few tears escaped, and then I walked back into the crowd with my friend close behind. I guess Ash was upset at me, although I really didn’t notice or understand at the time. (Remember, I was slightly less perceptive than normal.)

Leaving the show was a bit of a blur. Joel linked arms with me and was trying to be a comfort. I think he felt sorry for me missing my family. Later he told me that Ashley told him that I do this every time I drink. The fact that he walked with me after being informed as such was all the more surprising to me.

In the end, there is no excuse. I’m a tough girl, and I’ve got to get it together. But I wonder what I’m supposed to do when I have friends that end up making me feel like a lesser person, or some how never quite good enough.

It’s hard, in times like this, not to wish you could just go back to yesterday. The past may be gone but I look upon it so fondly. The day’s where I wasn’t so beaten, battered and bruised from life. When your friends were people you had built several Kingdom Hall’s with, and were people who shared your dreams. When relationships weren’t so hard. When it was easy to tell people that you love them. When it was easier to make everything okay. When I was me.

“I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to stay
But I’m coming to much more
Me.”

“Oh, isn’t it strange
How we move our lives for another day?
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should wash us all away?
Just thinking out loud
Don’t mean to dwell on this dying thing
But look at my blood
It’s alive right now,
And deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
And drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It’s you and me…

This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see a glow of something bright
Oh, there’s much more than we see here
Don’t burn the day away

Is this not enough?
This blessed sip of life,
Is it not enough?
Staring down at the ground
Oh, then complain and pray for more from above,
You greedy little pig
Stop, just watch your world trickle away
Oh, it’s your problem now
It’ll all be dead and gone in a few short years

Just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope back in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Oh, so don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away

And don’t burn the day away…

Look, here are we
On this starry night, staring into space
And I must say
I feel as small as dust lying down here

What point could there be troubling?
Head down wondering what will become of me?
Why concern we cannot see
But no reason to abandon it
The time is short but that’s all right
Maybe I’ll go in the middle of the night
Take your hands from your eyes, my love
All good things must come to an end some time
But don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away…

Come sister, my brother
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet
I’m saying open up
And let the rain come flooding in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while you’re dancing on the ground
Don’t think of when you’re gone

Love, love, love, what more is there?
‘Cause we need the light of love in here
Don’t beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There’re bad times
But that’s okay
Just look for love in it.”

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Music

Easy life.

She has lost her mind.

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you’re feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but who you’re with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you’re around
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you’re missing all the rest

Well she ran up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind’s eye is

Seeing things from a
Better side than most can dream
On a clearer road I feel
Oh you could say she’s safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
We’ll make the best of what’s around

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Music

STP

Last night I saw Stone Temple Pilots, with Disturbed and Godsmack.

STP rocked. Scott was a little out there… not any where near grunge, a new developed look and persona. They played Interstate Love Song, and Plush (my two favorite songs). But neither acoustic. : ( It’s amazing how easy it is to forget just how many songs we know by them. Every song I knew.

It was great seeing them at this point in my life – knowing how far I’ve come as a person since I first liked them. A coming full circle kind of feeling.

Time to take her home – her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride – it leaves today – no conversation
Take to take her home – her dizzy is conscience laden
Take to wait too long, to wait too long
These conversations kill

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Music

Ryan

“Dave is a good song writer – here’s a couple lyrics I think apply.”

And in your eyes I see what’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way I do now
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

It’s a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices
We can’t do a thing about it
Too many choices

Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Has she really lost her mind?
I said, I couldn’t tell you I’ve lost mine
I’m okay, I’m okay

Surprise, surprise you pay for what you get
You pay for what you get
Oh well oh well so here we stand
But we stand for nothing

How long I’m tied up My mind in knots –
My stomach reels In concern for what I might do or
What I’ve done It’s got me living in fear
But sometimes this thick confusion
Grows until I cannot bear it at all I let you down,
Oh, forgive me I have no lid upon my head
But if I did You could look inside and see what’s on my mind
How could I be such a fool like me oh, forgive me oh, forgive me

To the one who understands.

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Music

Soul mates.

I feel partly settled. Like I finally know what I want, and have the strength and courage to achieve it. It’s funny. I thought today I would lose. I didn’t.

Soul mates. n.
1. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
2. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity (a natural attraction or feeling of kinship)

I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t know how to feel about it. There so much I used to question. To examine, and analyze. Now I don’t. I just accept. I am guided by heart, rather than mind. It’s a much more peaceful way of being.

This is so new for me. Being content, I think. Being okay. What more can I say?
So maybe I won’t.

I have my path, I know what I need to do, and how to do it, and the way to get to where I’m going.
I used to think that going my way meant that I was walking away from something else. I guess I don’t see that anymore. Even if the natural inclination is to believe that we are losing. It’s not possible. Somehow. someway there is a connection. Something deeper than our comprehension. Farther than our definitions define. And that’s what hold us together.

It’s also amazing that I’m so content in the moment. So much of life is lived looking to the future or wistfully into the past.“The future is no place, to place your better days”. And so with that in mind, I live. Today.


There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
You know that I
You know I’ll never say goodbye

How many days can you waste it boy
It’s a shame they say
There’s so much you know he’ll never enjoy
All the love we come to destroy

There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
Though they might try


angela

someone’s always coming around here trailing some new kill
says I seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill
and what’s a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
so glad to meet you
angela
picking up the ticket shows there’s money to be made
go on and lose the gamble that’s the history of the trade
you add up all the cards left to play to zero
and sign up with evil
angela
don’t start me trying now
‘cos I’m all over it
angela
I could make you satisfied in everything you do
all your ‘secret wishes’ could right now be coming true
and be forever with my poison arms around you
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
so glad to meet you
angela

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